The Loving Others Trap – When Giving Comes From Lack and Scarcity

free - woman rain drps Why is it that we can get so pre-occupied running around being nice, blessing everyone possible with our loveliness?

Well, for starters it feels so good, we feel so validated; we‚Äôve done something nice to our ‚Äėneighbours‚Äô. Giving, particularly for women, releases the feel-good hormone Oxytocin.

However, the danger is that, being so busy doing good, spreading the love, we do not really have time to stop and deal with our own issues. The temporary Oxytocin flush of ‘loving our neighbour’ can potentially backfire and deplete us even more.

There is another aspect: being so self sacrificial, denying ourselves, it‚Äôs easy to slip a little bit into a self-righteous mode of a ‘role-model’ to others who‚Äôre not quite pulling their weight as we feel they should.

It’s so convenient to hide behind all these loving activities.
Whilst love is a mandate, let‚Äôs put it in perspective, ‚Äúlove your neighbour as yourself.‚ÄĚ
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Ho Ľoponopono


Ho Ľoponopono (ho-o-pono-pono) means to make right. It's an ancient Hawaiian healing practice of forgiveness.
Click on the sound button to listen to the "Forgive Me" song by Jennifer Salima Holt
Song by Jennifer Salima Holt

E KALA MAI IA 'U = (I'm Sorry, Please Forgive Me)
MAHALO NUI LOA = (Thank You Greatly)
ALOHA NO WAU IA 'OE = (Aloha To You, "I Love You")

The heart of Ho Ľoponopono is taking full responsibility for every emotion and feeling in your life. This is empowering because it means that you don’t have to change another person, it’s an inside job anyone can do. It feels empowering as you are then no longer the victim in any shape of form! It frees you to resolve your problems. You are totally responsible for your own responses to life, for what you perceive to be your reality.

It’s so easy to repeat those four phrases:

I’m sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you
I love you

So, whatever you might be feeling about a situation or another person, such as rage, anger, frustration, helplessness, sadness, or any other negative emotions, understand that these are your own emotions and have nothing to do with the situation upsetting you, or the other person being the perpetrator. All you do is 100% own your feelings, your own reaction, triggered often by the various filters we built up in our subconscious over the years.

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